So I've realized that my blog has turned into my personal-gossip column. With myself. So be it I guess.
It's interesting to see how much I've learned about myself in the past week alone. It mainly started last wednesday when I was practically forced to face myself honestly, and admit that I have a poor self-image and that one of my biggest priorities right now is to learn to love myself now. So I spent around five hours that night reminding myself why I am the way that I am, that the person who I am is a person that is worthwhile, and that the Lord loves me. (That involved candles, Christmas lights, the scriptures, and love notes from parents and friends.) I highly recommend spending a little time to get to know yourself again.
I found out the next day that the afore mentioned A-Train has a "thing" for a dear friend of mine. I then learned that I have a hard time letting go, but once I've let go, I'm usually alright.
General Conference goes by, and I learned (or remembered rather), that the Gospel is the most uplifting thing in my life and my best source for happiness.
Now for those who don't know, I'm a fast mover. I like to be liking someone. And now that I've almost completely let go of A-Train, my back-up option has moved to slot number 1. So on wednesday, (as in three days ago), we went on a date. It was one of the best, if not greatest, date of my life. I fell, and I fell hard. Harder than all of the other times that is. I learned that I was able to actually picture myself with someone, I was able to be myself with someone, and we were happy. After every time that I see him, I always think to myself "I want to marry someone like that."
So today I hung out with him before our class started, all was peachy and as great as I remembered. After class, I see him talking to a friend of mine from high school. I heard him ask her what she was doing tonight. After seeing the look on my face, a friend of mine decided to be my spy and listen to the rest of the conversation. He got her phone number, address, and they had made plans for the night.
What did I learn from that? I get hurt easily. I probably don't read people very well. I instantly started comparing myself to the other girl, and my recently built up self esteem faltered.
My friends consoled me, told me that he was simply "trying on other pairs of shoes," and that he could very likely still be interested in me even though he asked my friend out.
But I don't feel much better. I fell practically in love in around a week and a half. I was practically destroyed within minutes.
Interesting how life plays out sometimes.
