I've Come to Realize

Even though an amazing feeling comes from gaining a new friend, it can never quite level out the pain that comes with loosing your best friend.

Be honest and upfront with people, but don't make painful accusations that will push them away. 

I realize that I pushed my best friend away, and that it's my fault because I really hurt one of the most important people in my life.

I realize that this should not have happened, but only happened because I was foolish.

I realize that I might not ever get you back again because of my actions.

I realize a lot of things about this situation, but most of all:

I realize that I'm sorrier than I've ever been, that I've wanted to take back every single word that I've said to you today ever since the moment they crossed my lips, and that I'll miss being able to call one of the greatest people on this planet my best friend.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh

It's so refreshing just talking to someone.
There are so many amazing people in this world, and I probably know the most amazing people out there.
Shout outs!
-My familia... what more can I say? Angels, all of them.
-My Society Of Foxy Female friends... My girls are always there for me :)
-My amazing amazing best friends. I've gotten so close to each of them, and they're all such awesome people I can't even handle it!
-All of the other people I know! I honestly don't think that I dislike anyone right now.

Advice for people wanting a new friend:
1. Find a potential friend.
2. Sit down and talk to said potential friend.
3. Be yourself.
BAM!!!!!!
That person is probably (hopefully) your friend now.

This works. Now everyone go make a new friend! It's a great, refreshing feeling :)

Secret Love Affair

Nothing quite like a duet between Cecilia Bartoli and Bryn Terfel.
Or a bubble bath, many alit candles, and an old EFY CD for that matter.

If you'd like to become addicted to the amazingly glorious voice of Bryn like I am, click HERE!
Just to add a bit more happiness to your life.

But this is not the reason why we are here.

We are here, once again, because of my confusion. Why I can never seem to write a post where I am not confused about life or boys, I do not understand. I guess I just don't know what I want anymore.
Don't get me wrong dear friends, I am perfectly happy on my own. That is a trait that has taken awhile to develop, but I can finally say I am perfectly happy without a man. But that doesn't mean I still don't want one.
With all of the things that have been going on with my family lately, I'm surprised at myself. But there are several boys on my list (do not worry! It's a good list, not a hit list). Apparently the main problem is that I cannot seem to figure out where each person falls on the list. Hence my confusion, stress, and need for the soothingly sensuous voice of my beloved Bryn Terfel.
It will take some time and developments for me to fully understand my list and therefore my heart, so until then I will: take more bubble baths, listen/fall in love with Bryn some more, reread the twilight series for the fourth time (my books that I read when I'm lonely and bored), and eat as much chocolate and peanut butter as my little heart desires.
Amen.

Post Script: If you have not figured it out yet, the secret love affair is between myself, Bryn Terfel, Bubble baths, candles, peanut butter, chocolate, and Twilight. Catching hook right?

To Make Decisions:

I'm usually a pretty optimistic person. But today I'm just so thrown off I don't know what to do with myself! A note to all you people out there (which I'm assuming is not too many people) that are looking to make a decision anytime soon:
                                                                     
1. The heart wants things for reasons that reason cannot understand. If your heart is telling you it wants something, don't ignore it! That'd be stupid.


2. Decide what you're going to do and then do it! So what if it's hard? No good thing will ever be great if it is not worked for.
                       
3. There are people that love you no matter what, so make choices because you want to make them.
                                                       
4. Pray before you do something that scares you.


5. Live with the choice you made. It might suck now, but it's bound to get better eventually. Especially if there is any form of chocolate around (preferably peanut butter m&ms).

Eyes

A final Cadence lingers in the air,

Heart pounding.

Feet throbbing.

I advance to the front - why am I doing this?

I look into the audience,

See a pair of eyes 

THE pair of eyes.

I've seen your eyes before.

Take in a deep breath,

fly away.

          ...

Post Script: Dramatic yes? I hope so. An exaggerated tale to engage the audience before stating what really happened.

I sang in Master Class today. I took on the "One Week Challenge" (i.e. learning a song and then performing it all within a week). I woke up this morning, (no, I was not feeling like P-diddy), got myself all beautiful and stuff because I knew I'd be seeing a certain somebody. It actually ended up being two somebodys. I warmed up to the best of my abilities and went toward the outside hallway of my classroom. I see him, the dreaded ex, and I feel my stomach drop. I had secretly hoped that he would not come today even though I knew he would. He'd never miss the chance to see me again. 

So class starts and I'm trying my hardest not to look, not to think of him. Of course it didn't work. Couldn't help but glance over every couple of minutes. The last person before me finishes his song and I know I'm up. (Insert preferred expletive here). I walk to what feels like will be the end of my life and I give him one last glance before I start. I can do this. I wish my best friend were here, he's the one I can truly sing for. I can do this. I start my song and then mess up, of course. Start again. Mess up again. My teacher joins me to make sure I'm alright, but I am mortified.

I try to persevere through my piece and I eventually make it with the help of my teacher. At this point I'm dying. I wonder what he thinks. I wonder why I can't do this. I wish my best friend were here. At that moment I see another pair of eyes - a familiar pair that belong to my best friend. I start my song a final time and completely nail it. Huzzah!

I got many compliments but there were three that made my day:

1.) "You are amazing, I had no clue you could sing like that. Blew me away." - An amazing singer that I look up to very much.

2.) "See ya later Brandy, good job." - Ex.

3.) A high five along with a hug, "Sounded pretty good. Sorry I was late." - Bestie.

I don't need to be afraid, I don't need to stress because I love to sing!

Song Mash-Up!

So I've been listening to two songs over and over again because they both seem to match my every thought right now. So I'm gonna mash-up the lyrics to Lionel Richie's "Hello" and Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Here is my love life through mashed up lyrics!

I've been alone with you inside my mind,
and in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times.
Hello, is it me you're looking for?
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified, 
but then I see the look in your eyes.
I see it in your eyes, I see it in your smile, you're all I've ever wanted -
my arms are open wide.
You know just what to say, and you know just what to do,
and I want to tell you so much - I love you.


I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ever,
and if you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever.


Your love is like a shadow on me all the time,
I don't know what to do I'm always in the dark,
I really need you tonight.
I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do
are you somewhere feelin' lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart for I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying "I love you."


Once upon a time I was falling in love, 
now I'm only falling apart.
Nothing I can do, total eclipse of the heart.


Every now and then I fall apart.
I want to tell you so much - I love you.

Secret Obsession/Shame

I have a secret obsession. An obsession so embarrassing that I dare not mention it to any self respecting music major, so I write it on my blog for me and friends and family only. My secret obsession is Glee. (Oh gosh I hate myself for it!) I mean don't get me wrong, most of the music makes my ears bleed. But the drama and the attractiveness of some of the characters has me hooked. It may be because I've been super lonely all week or because I have nothing else to watch, but unfortunately I really really like it.

My favorite song (The only one I'll probably listen to more than once) is the first duet that Rachel and Jesse ever sing, "Hello," originally done by Lionel Richie. Go here (hover over the word here to get the link) to hear it!

Anyways, it will always be my secret (not so secret) shame that I've watched almost 3/4 worth (soon to be all) of the Glee episodes ever made in the past 4 days. Yes. My life is this sad right now. I miss school so much!